Poker Jokes

Why didn’t Tarzan like to play poker in the jungle?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

The regular Friday night poker game was going on when John lost $500 on a single hand, had a heart attack, and died. “Who’s going to tell his wife?” They drew cards, and Bill drew the low card. He knocked on John’s door and told his wife, “John lost $500 at poker tonight.”

She turns red and yells, “Tell that $#*# to DROP DEAD!”

Bill walks away sheepishly and says, “I’ll tell him.”

A first grade teacher asks one of his pupils: "Brian, do you already know how to count?

Brian answers "Sure I do, my father taught me".

The teacher, who fails to believe little Bobby, decided to test the little guy. "OK, he continues Brian... what comes after two?" The teacher asks

"Three!" Brian instantly called out.

"Excellent" the teacher said, "OK, Brian, now, what comes after Five?"

"Six!" Brian said straight away

"Brian, I must say that your father is an outstanding teacher. I bet he is very proud of you"

"Oh, yes, he is" Brian replied

"OK, now for the last test"; the teacher said "What comes after ten?"

Bobby replied, without hesitating for a second "Jack"

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Some guys just seem like they have all the luck in the world. I have a friend of mine that is one of those, he is a card player who seems to draw the exact card he needs to win every single hand in poker, on the other hand he always loses big time at the races. When I asked him about this he replied, "Well ... they never let me shuffle the horses..."

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This guy was sitting peacefully and reading a paper when suddenly his wife walked up from behind him and hits him on the back of the head with a magazine.
"Why in gods name did you do that for?" he asked.
She shouted, "I heard you talking on the phone with your poker buddies, about how great Lisa and Gina were the other night!"
The husband giggled as he explains to his wife: "a couple weeks ago I won a real huge pot in poker, thanks to two pocket Queens. I than decided to call them Lisa and Gina!"
"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry," she said. "I really should have known that there was a good explanation."
A week later as the unsuspecting husband is watching a ball game on the television, again his wife walks up to him and hits him in the hard on the back of the head, this time she uses an iron frying pen, which knocked him senseless.
When eventually woke up he asked his wife, surprised, "What in gods name did you do that for?"
She quietly replied..........."Your pair of pocket queens just called."

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To have a poker man in your life, can be just as a deck of cards:
You will need the heart to find the love.
You will need the diamonds for marrying him.
You will need the club so you can beat him.
And finally you will need a spade so you can bury the bastards!

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